Checkup · Attachment style
Attachment · 2-minute quizWhat's my attachment style?
Your attachment style is how you love, depend, and feel safe with the person closest to you. Decades of research boil it down to two dials — how much you worry about losing closeness, and how much you pull away from it. This 2-minute quiz (built on the Experiences in Close Relationships model) shows where you land on both, names your style, and tells you what helps — especially in the thick of new parenthood.
What is an attachment style?
Your attachment style is the pattern you fall into when you love and depend on someone — how safe you feel being close, and what you do when that closeness feels threatened. Researchers Brennan, Clark and Shaver (1998) showed that decades of attachment measures collapse onto just two dimensions: attachment anxiety (how much you fear being abandoned or not loved enough) and attachment avoidance (how uncomfortable you are with closeness and depending on others). Crossing low/high on each gives the four familiar styles — secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissing–avoidant, and fearful–avoidant. This quiz uses short, first-person items in the style of the Experiences in Close Relationships scale and its revision (ECR-R; Fraley, Waller & Brennan, 2000), reworded for couples in the first year after a baby.
Why it matters after a baby
New parenthood is an attachment stress-test. Sleeplessness, the double load, and feeling like a third wheel push your patterns to the surface: an anxious lean turns into chasing reassurance, an avoidant lean turns into quietly going it alone. Neither means your relationship is broken — they're just old wiring under new pressure. Naming your style (and your partner's) lets you read a withdrawal or a worried text as a pattern, not a verdict. If you want to feel closer again, start small — here's how to reconnect with your wife after a baby, and the Regular checkup if you'd like the bigger picture.
FAQ
What is an attachment style?
It's your characteristic way of connecting, depending on, and feeling safe with a partner — described on two dimensions, anxiety and avoidance, which map to four styles (secure, anxious–preoccupied, dismissing–avoidant, fearful–avoidant).
Can my attachment style change?
Yes. Attachment is learned, not fixed. It can shift with new relationships, big life changes like a baby, therapy, or a steady, responsive partner — many people move toward more security over time.
Is this quiz a diagnosis?
No. It's a self-check built on the ECR / ECR-R model, not a clinical diagnosis. It gives you language for how you relate, not a label from a professional.
Are my answers private?
Completely. Everything is scored in your browser; nothing is sent anywhere or seen by us.
- Fraley, Waller & Brennan (2000) — Experiences in Close Relationships–Revised (ECR-R) items & scoring
- Brennan, Clark & Shaver (1998) — Self-report measurement of adult attachment (the original ECR & the anxiety/avoidance dimensions)
- Bartholomew & Horowitz (1991) — four-category model of adult attachment
Regular is built by a small team of parents who needed it themselves — a companion for the first year after a baby that helps new dads rebuild closeness with their partner through small, science-backed moments, not big talks. Our mission: make the post-baby year less lonely, for both of you. More about us.