ESA note from Liza — I co-founded Regular and I’m a mom of one — not a scientist, I just go down these rabbit holes so you don’t have to. The hormone behind those first bonding weeks, in plain English. Why trust us.
You have probably heard oxytocin called "the love hormone." That is a little too neat — but it really is at the center of how parents bond with a baby, and the story has a useful twist for dads.
What oxytocin actually does
Oxytocin is a hormone and brain signal involved in bonding, trust, and caregiving. It rises with warm physical contact — holding, soothing, skin-to-skin, eye contact — and it helps tune the brain toward caring for another person. It is less a switch for "love" and more a dial that gets turned up by closeness and care.
Dads make it too
Fathers release oxytocin as well — it is not a mothers-only system. Here is the part that gets left out: Research following new mothers and fathers across the first months (Gordon, Zagoory-Sharon, Leckman & Feldman, 2010) found oxytocin rose in both parents as caregiving developed. In fathers, it rises through hands-on caregiving and play — changing nappies, carrying, rough-and-tumble, soothing at 3 a.m. — and work on parent–infant synchrony (Feldman et al., 2011) links those moments of attuned play and contact to the bonding system itself. Bonding is not something that switches on automatically at birth. It is built, through contact and repetition, and your biology rewards the effort.
Why the early months rewire you
Caregiving shifts the brain to prioritise the infant — which is exactly what a helpless newborn needs. The side effect is that attention can drift away from the couple for a while. That is normal — and it is part of how your relationship and your bond with the baby feed each other. The fix is the same mechanism: deliberate warm contact with your partner — a long hug, holding hands — nudges the same bonding system back toward each other. It is also the calmer, oxytocin side of the chemistry that carries a couple past the early spark.
Frequently asked questions
What does oxytocin do for the parent-baby bond?
Oxytocin supports bonding, calm and caregiving behaviour. It rises with close contact and helps parents attune to their baby.
Do fathers release oxytocin too?
Yes. Oxytocin rises in fathers through hands-on caregiving and play, not just in birthing mothers — bonding is built through interaction.
How can a dad boost bonding with his baby?
Through repeated close contact: skin-to-skin, holding, play, soothing and responsive care. The bond is built by doing, and it strengthens over time.
Does focusing on the baby's bond hurt the couple?
It does not have to, but couple closeness needs deliberate attention too. The same warmth that bonds you to your baby — touch, attunement — also keeps the partnership alive.
Is bonding instant?
Often not. For many parents, especially dads, attachment grows gradually through caregiving. A slow start is normal, not a failure.
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Co-founder of Regular. Writes about relationships, parenthood, and the science of how couples stay close after a baby.
About Regular — the relationship app for new dads, built by a small team of parents who needed it themselves. Small, science-backed moves with your partner, not big talks.