VNA note from Vadim — Before my first was born I bought a tower of baby books. I finished two. These are the ones I'd actually hand a mate — plus the ones I wish I'd read about us, not just the baby. Why trust us.
The most useful books for a new dad fall into three buckets: surviving the practical first year, understanding what's happening to your relationship, and feeling less alone. If you read only one from each, make it The New Father (Armin Brott) for the year, And Baby Makes Three (the Gottmans) for the two of you, and a memoir like Home Game (Michael Lewis) so it feels human. Everything below is sorted by what each book is actually for — because a shelf you never finish helps no one.
Walk into any bookshop's parenting section and you'll notice something: almost all of it is written to your partner. The dad shelf is a stack of gag gifts and one earnest paperback.
That's a shame, because the right book at 2 a.m. does something a gadget can't — it tells you that the thing you're feeling has been felt before, and names what to do about it.
So here's the honest short list, grouped by the job you need done.
For surviving the practical first year
The Expectant Father — Armin A. Brott & Jennifer Ash
If you're still in the countdown, this is the classic. It walks pregnancy month by month from the dad's side — what's happening to her, what's happening to you, and what's actually useful to do. Start here, then graduate to its first-year sequel. Find it.
The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year — Armin A. Brott
The one I'd hand every new dad. It's month-by-month through year one, practical without being condescending, and it takes for granted that you're a full parent, not a babysitting assistant. If you buy a single how-to, buy this. Find it.
Cribsheet — Emily Oster
For the dad who wants evidence, not opinions. Economist Emily Oster walks through the data behind the early-parenting decisions everyone argues about — sleep, feeding, screen time — so you can decide with your partner instead of guessing. Calms a lot of 2 a.m. Googling. Find it.
The Birth Partner — Penny Simkin
Read this before the birth. Penny Simkin's guide gives you an actual job in the delivery room — how to support her through labor, calmly and usefully — instead of hovering by the wall feeling helpless. Find it.
For understanding what happens to the two of you
And Baby Makes Three — John Gottman & Julie Schwartz Gottman
The one almost no dad is told to read, and the one that changed the most for me. Built on the Gottmans' research, it's specifically about what a baby does to a couple — the resentment, the drift, the fewer warm moments — and how to protect the relationship through it. If the strain you feel is more about us than about the baby, start here. It pairs directly with what we write about reconnecting with your partner after a baby. Find it.
For feeling less alone
Home Game: An Accidental Guide to Fatherhood — Michael Lewis
Not a how-to — a memoir. The Moneyball author is honest about the parts nobody admits: the boredom, the guilt, the love that arrives sideways. Read it when you need to feel like a person, not a support system. Find it.
Dad Is Fat — Jim Gaffigan
Pure relief. Comedian Jim Gaffigan on raising five kids in a two-bedroom apartment — the book to read when you need to laugh at the chaos instead of drowning in it. Not advice; just company. Find it.
The short version, side by side
| Book | Best for | When to read it |
|---|---|---|
| The Expectant Father (Brott & Ash) | Practical prep, dad's side | During pregnancy |
| The New Father (Brott) | The whole first year | From birth onward |
| Cribsheet (Oster) | Data over dogma | When you're arguing about "the right way" |
| The Birth Partner (Simkin) | Supporting her in labor | Weeks before the due date |
| And Baby Makes Three (Gottman) | Your relationship after baby | When it feels like "us," not the baby |
| Home Game (Lewis) | Feeling human again | On a hard week |
| Dad Is Fat (Gaffigan) | A laugh, not a lecture | Any 20 free minutes |
If you take one thing from all of this: don't buy the tower. Pick one practical guide, one about the two of you, and one that just makes you feel less alone — and actually finish them. The book that helps is the one you read to the end at 2 a.m., not the ten on the shelf.
And no book, however good, reads your specific week back to you. That's the gap between reading about reconnecting and actually doing it — worth knowing before the isolation so many new dads describe quietly sets in.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best book for a first-time dad?
For most first-time dads the single most useful practical book is 'The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year' by Armin A. Brott — it's month-by-month, dad-focused, and covers both the baby and what's happening to you. If you're still expecting, its companion 'The Expectant Father' covers pregnancy through birth. Pair either with a relationship book so you're not only reading about diapers.
Which book helps most with the relationship after a baby?
'And Baby Makes Three' by Drs. John and Julie Gottman is the standout — it's built specifically around what happens to a couple after a baby and how to protect the relationship, based on their research. It's the one to read if the strain you feel is more about the two of you than about the baby.
Are there good books for dads who don't like parenting books?
Yes. If prescriptive guides put you off, read a memoir: 'Home Game' by Michael Lewis is honest and funny about the reality of new fatherhood, and 'Dad Is Fat' by Jim Gaffigan is pure comic relief. For data-driven dads who want evidence over advice, 'Cribsheet' by economist Emily Oster reviews the research behind early-parenting decisions.
What book helps a dad support his partner through birth?
'The Birth Partner' by Penny Simkin is the standard reference for anyone supporting someone through labor and birth. It's practical and calm, and it gives you an actual role at the birth instead of standing there feeling useless.
How many parenting books does a new dad really need?
Two or three, chosen on purpose, beat a shelf you never finish. A realistic starter set is one practical first-year guide, one relationship book, and one honest memoir — the practical, the two-of-you, and the human. Reading less but actually finishing it is more useful than owning ten.
Keep readingHow to reconnect with your wife after a baby · Lonely as a new dad? Why it happens and what helps · How relationships actually work after a baby
Contributing editor at Regular, and a dad himself. Writes the honest, from-a-dad's-side pieces on closeness, fatherhood and the messy first year.
About Regular — the relationship app for new dads, built by a small team of parents who needed it themselves. Small, science-backed moves with your partner, not big talks.