More than half of adults worry their sex drive has changed — and parenting is a key reason

A new study of 1,317 adults found that 57% worry about their sex drive — most often because it feels too low or no longer matches their partner's. Parenting, alongside exhaustion and stress, was among the top explanations participants gave. Couples in their first 1–15 years together were the group most likely to feel the gap.

The research, published July 5 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy by a team from Queen's University in Ontario led by Dr. Caroline Pukall, asked a large mixed sample to describe their concerns about sexual desire in their own words — rather than filtering everything through clinical checklists. What came back was unusually candid.

Among those who said they worry: 47.5% were concerned that their drive felt too low, and 42.4% were troubled by a mismatch with their partner. Only 7.6% worried their drive was too high. The number one thing that bothered people about low desire was the feeling that they weren't satisfying their partner. The second: missing how sexual they used to feel.

When participants explained why their drive had changed, the answers read like a new-parent's daily life — stress, mental health, chronic exhaustion, and parenting responsibilities came up repeatedly alongside body image and medication side effects. The authors note that "major life transitions" were cited throughout the open-ended responses, often alongside a sense of uncertainty: is this normal, or is something wrong with me?

Dr. Pukall's summary of the finding: "Variation in sexual desire is a typical part of human experience, and factors such as stress, mental health, relationship dynamics, major life transitions, and parenting can all influence desire."

What it means for you: If your sex drive has shifted since having a kid, you're not broken — you're in the majority, and the driver is almost certainly exhaustion and life upheaval, not the relationship itself.

Regular is a daily connection tool for couples, not a substitute for therapy. If desire changes are causing significant distress, a sex therapist or couples counsellor can help.